I could have sworn the line was “pay no attention to the man
behind the curtain” not “pay $13 to watch an animated 3-D rendering of the
man-behind-the-curtain’s fake back story” but it’s been years. I could be
wrong.
This is officially the one to beat for the “Coulda not
Shoulda” award of 2013. I stand by my conviction that taking a beloved classic
and slathering it with millions of dollars worth of CGI does not make it more
beloved. At best it’s forgettably entertaining. At worst it lures your
childhood into the uncanny valley and abandons it there, frightened and alone.
Also, I’m confused about which witch he’s supposed to be
sleeping with. They all exchange so many furtive looks it’s impossible to tell.
I hope it’s either all of them or Michelle Williams’s Glinda. Michelle Williams
is dating Jason Segel, and was in “Take this Waltz” with Seth Rogan, and I
really want her to kiss the entire cast of Freaks and Geeks (Linda Cardellini,
you’re on deck). Dawson’s Freak.
In Conclusion: I don’t care how much gay press he does. James
Franco is no Judy Garland.
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