The Conscious Uncoupling Effect

Gwyneth Paltrow is divorcing her husband of ten years. The movie star-turned-lifestyle guru, who speaks in her own patrician new-age dialect, referred to the separation as “conscious uncoupling.” This makes sense - not the phrase so much, but the decision to use it - as Paltrow is not only a woman but also a brand. A walking advertisement for everything that ordinary women need to perfect their lives, much of which can be purchased on her website, Goop.com.

“Divorce” is an ugly word that invokes all kinds of unpleasantness: family upheaval, emotional turmoil, and of course, stress (a known cause of clogged pores and constipation.) Paltrow knows better than to introduce the toxins of divorce into the immaculate digestive system of Goop. So she opted for an organic, cruelty-free alternative in Conscious Uncoupling. 

The term makes an easy target of Paltrow, who has been called pretentious, out-of-touch, and on one inflammatory magazine cover, “The Most Hated Woman in Hollywood.” Gwyneth-haters, basking in the best schadenfreude they’d had since Martha Stewart went to prison, wasted no time lambasting it on the internet. Still, Conscious Uncoupling (originally coined by psychologist Katherine Woodward Thomas) has potential. Maybe, the goop-ified rebranding of divorce indicates a long-overdue sea change in how the marketing world relates to life after marriage.

In spite of the humble name, Goop is aimed at the tastes and budgets of the elite. This target audience is evident not only in the items for sale (monogrammed napkins for $240, a striped t-shirt for $300) but in the site’s holistic approach to self-improvement. Today’s rich are not content to merely buy things. They want their possessions to reflect a healthy body, a sharp mind, a curated life. There is a common thread between every page of the site, tacitly insisting that your new core-strengthening exercise routine won’t work unless you’re wearing the “Beyond Yoga” Lattice Trim Cami ($99). While you’re at it, try a new recipe (like Persimmon Pudding, or Balsamic Miso Root Salad), and reassess the way you cope with grief. One cannot be truly successful unless they are in peak form physically, spiritually, intellectually, and materially. Of course, such artisanal self-cultivation is out of most people’s reach. Most women can’t afford to wear designer clothes, or cook with only the most esoteric, ethically magnificent ingredients. Most working mothers (as Paltrow has often referred to herself) do not have time to keep their bodies model-thin or read a book a week.

But Goop readers (or at least the ones who take regular advantage of the “BUY NOW” thumbnails appended to much of the upscale merchandise) are already more moneyed, cultured, and sophisticated than the average woman could hope to become. The driving force that keeps this top-tier cohort returning to Goop for guidance and inspiration is the understanding that no matter how fabulous they are, they will never be as fabulous as the demigoddess at the helm. Gwyneth Paltrow is the ever-ascending carrot for which all the readers must strive. The perfect woman. Now the perfect woman is a divorced woman.

It is important for the business that being divorced not detract from her perfection. With this in mind, the site’s “Conscious Uncoupling” post followed up the standard celebrity divorce announcement (great sadness, kids come first, etc.) with an essay by Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami explaining that the entire concept of marriage has changed. The essay argues that due to the increased human lifespan, people should no longer be expected to stay together forever, and we should all start relating to divorce as a positive transformation.

In a way, this is probably just a public figure covering her own Tracy Anderson-sculpted ass. But the doctors do have a point. Their essay covers a lot of ground – incorporating the Paleolithic period, a “Russian esotericist”, and a lengthy explanation of the difference between exoskeletons and endoskeletons – but nowhere does it suggest we do away with the practice of marriage altogether. So assuming the multi-billion dollar wedding industry can survive without the “til death” part, maybe it’s time to get real about the 50% success rate. For couples, that means trading in “we’re never going to break up!” for “if we did break up, we would do so in a healthy, respectful way.” For the marketing world, that means acknowledging that divorced people exist.

On the “About” page, Goop describes itself as an “e-commerce company” first and an “eminent lifestyle publication” second. If the “Conscious Uncoupling” announcement proves profitable for the business side, than it is likely the idea will trickle down to less eminent lifestyle publications, and influence the world of commerce as a whole. A world that still relates to marriage and motherhood as the be-all-end-all in a woman’s life. If you’re selling something to women, chances are your advertisement will feature a sexy young singleton, or a middle-aged mom (typically played by a sexy singleton in khakis and a more conservative haircut). The assumption is that no one wants to buy a product enjoyed by an older divorcee, because older divorcees are downers. How could a woman who found and lost the Holy Grail be anything but a bitter recluse?

This is nonsense, of course. But maybe, after centuries of being considered a crime and/or sin, it’s impossible to scrub all the grime off the word “divorce.” That’s where “Conscious Uncoupling” comes in. It’s clean, it has no baggage, and Gwyneth Paltrow is doing it. And according to Dr. Sadhegi and Dr. Sami, it is the natural fate of most American marriages today. All the more reason for companies to take notice. 

Advertisements capitalize on peoples’ covetous insecurities by taunting them with an unreachable ideal. This is unfortunate, but it’s still refreshing to see a greater diversity of communities pandered to in this manner. Given the astounding number of happily uncoupled people out there, it would be nice to see the lifestyle celebrated by mainstream material culture. So in that respect, Paltrow’s supercilious rebranding of divorce was a supercilious step in the right direction.